“Why don’t you be you, and I’ll be me” - Let It Go by James Bay

I think it’s pretty safe to say that everyone is looking for honesty in a relationship. Not enough honesty can be a deal breaker; however, is too much honesty just as detrimental? It’s important to continue learning about someone over time, but what if they divulge too much information at once?

The idea of dating can be daunting, but it should also be fun. This is the time to be a little flirtatious, learn about the other person and maybe go outside of your comfort zone to decide if there’s a strong enough connection to continue seeing each other.

In my own dating experience, I’ve had a few people open up about things that are probably too personal for a first or second date. In reality, they’re not doing anything wrong – I mean, all we ask for is the truth, right?

At what point does too much honesty become a red flag? What happened to the mystery and spontaneity of getting to know someone? These days, dates are treated more like interviews – rushing to get to the key points and then using that as a deciding factor. Personally, I would like to continue to get to know someone over the years. I hear my parents share stories about their upbringing, and they’re still learning things about each other almost 30 years later. I don’t want to know every single little thing about someone within the first few dates.

Someone once told me they went on a date – very reluctantly. There were a few yellow flags popping up prior to the first date, but he wanted to give her a fair chance and thought maybe her word vomit was caused by nerves. When we spoke afterword, he knew right away that she wasn’t going to be a good match for him. The reason? She opened up about too much right away and it scared him; it was a turn off. He would have learned about the same information if they continued to see each other, but the date was like a rapid fire interview.

We had a conversation about this a few days later and created our own theory. People want to get everything out in the open in case there’s not a second date. But why, though? Do they not realize that sometimes too much information and honesty is a hard pill to swallow? It’s almost like they don’t want to wait to get to know someone, especially in the society we live in where everything is instantaneous. Whether people know it or now, there’s a lack of patience in doing this – which, for me, is a red flag (pretty ironic, though – if you know me at all, I have the patience like dog begging for human food). If the date goes well, chances are more dates will follow, along with time to share the interesting facts and stories.

I don’t want to know about your unfaithful relationship history or skeletons in the closet on the first date. What I want to know is light hearted information. What’s your favorite bar, favorite vacation you’ve been on, and which Chicago baseball team you root for?

But, what happens when things are on the other end of the spectrum?